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Irida says that I should stare into people's eyes less. I have been working on that! It is easier if you time it out!

[Ingo, the entire time he is speaking to you: 👁👁]

But ah... [Ingo is sort of worried about what to say here, actually!] Do you mean that...well, I do not like to bring it up again. But when we had that fight as children, or rather when I shouted at you, I do recall...well, the concept of "normal" came up rather a lot that day...

[Was that because they weren't normal?]

[While Emmet avoids eyes and thus why he mentioned it.]

Yupyup, because you tried really hard to act like everyone else, you always have. Even though it is uncomfortable. It's exhausting.

[Emmet wonders for a moment...]

Waaaaay back when, I know people used to think children like me to a greater extent than you- were actually not human. That a Pokemon like a Zoroark would come in and steal the real child and leave one of its own in its place.

[Even more reason why Emmet hated being called a Zorua when a child! It was disgusting and cruel.]

Eventually, people got smart and realized that wasn't it at all. They have a condition called 'Autism' and it is a verry wide spectrum. But most people don't think it is normal.

Emmet...

[Ingo moves towards him automatically at the Zoroark talk, but hesitates. He isn’t sure what to do; this body is too unfamiliar. He ends up doing nothing.]

So...you are saying we both share a condition. [Is that. Bad. It sounds bad.]

[Emmet looks down at the book and pulls up one of the pictures, enjoying the ripping sound of the velcro.]

You were always worried about the stigma around it. Even though there is nothing wrong. Mom and Dad always thought you were mimicking my play, trying to show me how to talk, if you see someone with a broken leg, you think the person with the sprained ankle is okay.

...are you okay?

[It's making Ingo a little uncomfortable - something about the apparent difference between them. They've always been different, in that they are different people, but this feels...well. Not like that.]

I've always been okay. It has been everyone else that isn't.

[Emmet sighs a little.]

From Mom and Dad expecting different things, you always fighting to be what everyone expects you to be, friends not taking the time to understand even if they accept it, to people who don't even try because it doesn't fit in a nice line.

[Ingo makes a short uneasy noise before leaning forward to butt his head into Emmet’s chest. Cat brain is the only one with any kind of idea how to physically express itself occasionally. He's still not sure he entirely understands, but:]

I'm sorry.

[Emmet leans into it, wrapping his arms around his brother.]

Not you're fault. I worry a lot about you. It is tiring to try and be like everyone else. I never understood why you wanted to do it.

[Prompted by the hug, he puts his little Sneasel arms around Emmet in turn.]

...I do not know what to say. I suppose I remember a fraction of what I thought when I was young, now, but I should like to think that is not representative of how I felt before the wormhole!

[As to how he feels now? Ingo isn't sure. This is a lot of new information!]

I have not...well, I suppose I have tried to be polite, since. In not speaking over people and the like! But I am not sure I know what you mean exactly. [.....] I...do recall trying to practice smiling properly. When we were young.

[Which at this point almost invariably means "when we were thirteen and I was an asshole."]

[Emmet remembers that too.]

Yupyup, because you really wanted to fit in. I remember you working on it a lot, and never being happy with how it looked or how it didn't just happen when it was 'supposed to'.

I am still bad at that. But I did not own a mirror until coming here.

[So while he remains sort of embarrassed and unhappy with his failures in that realm, he hasn't been doing anything to try and fix it. There's bigger problems here.]

People often think I am angry with them. I hardly ever am!

Thats their own fault for assuming. Anyone who talks to you would be able to tell.

Oh, that isn't fair! It's only natural for them to think that - and I have only gotten more intimidating-looking since.

[He's a monster! That's scary enough without glaring and shouting!]

And it is natural for me to assume everyone is crazy with their reactions to simple things, rude for not wanting to be a part of when we start talking about something fun and trying to include them, and they are over-sensitive when just stating a fact.

[Emmet frowns some more.]

But I adjust, and so can they.

...it's alright, really.

[They have probably had this conversation a million times before.]

So this is only...about how we work? There are no health concerns I should know about?

There are common co-morbidities like I do have stomach and sleep issues. But it is really social and behavioral issues.

I had more difficulty sleeping before becoming a manticore...perhaps that will help you as well?

[His sleep lately hasn't been good - nightmares - but it seems that manticores at least sometimes fall asleep faster than people!]

While I would rather do almost anything than sleep, it does get frustrating when I can't.

[Another reason changing to a Gargoyle was hard for him, he had a schedule of when to sleep and when to wake up, and that got all wonky!]

So I guess that would be good.

Indeed! It cannot be easy to adjust to sleeping in the day, in any case...

[Ingo's tried not to get too invested in Emmet's changes. It's Emmet's body, after all; he should do what he wants! Even if he changed his mind and went for a different monster type, perhaps! Being a scavenger like a pooka probably would be easier on him...

Still. As the promised date approaches, he's starting to become sort of excited for them to be the same again.]

Do you...think there are books here about this autism? I would like to understand more - I am sure I must have, once.

[And he doesn't want to try and make Emmet verbalize everything! He knows how difficult that can be for him, and this also seems like it might be a little emotionally difficult to discuss?]

They are probably grossly out of date. Just filled with bad ideas and notions. Like the idea of a 'refrigerator mother' and stuff.

[Emmet looks down as he glitches again, this time to being a shade like before.]

I...can do my best to explain.

[Ingo's gaze darts very obviously over to the refrigerator. This clears up nothing! But it seems like it was bad, so he'll just - not ask!]

I'm afraid I do not have any specific questions just yet...but if you would like to speak more on the topic, I'm glad to listen! Just please do not feel obligated! I simply think...well, it seems to have granted you some understanding. I have never felt particularly like I do not understand myself, or you, but if there is something significant I do not know, I should remedy that!

I just worry if it would have been significant to you.

[Why didn't he mention this earlier? It has been half a year, and he remembered how much Ingo did try to be 'normal' when they were younger. Did he think he was doing Ingo a favor?]

[Ingo was known for being polite, Ingo brought out the best in people. Yes, he may have talked more than other people would have liked- but a minor fault! Everyone is allowed to have faults, and if they didn't it was an act.]

[Ingo wouldn't have to worry about being 'normal' or not.]

...well, as far as some of those things go - my inability to express myself properly, and how I cannot seem to hear how loud I am being - I have always believed that it was damage left over from whatever took my memories! That is what we all thought! There was no sign that I had been physically harmed, of course, but we thought perhaps a psychic Pokemon was involved, or something of that nature...

[Well. It doesn't matter now. Ingo doesn't resent any of that old speculation; none of it was ever meant unkindly! He'd wanted to know the answers more than anyone, after all!]

At any rate. I suppose I'm glad to know that isn't the case.

Did anyone treat you mean for it?

...no one of importance. Perhaps Warden Melli, now and then, but that was simply his way. Everyone else became used to it fairly quickly, I suppose...there were always much stranger things about me to concern themselves with, if they cared to do so!

[An amnesiac wandering in a blizzard, very obviously not from Hisui and with some strange ideas about Pokemon? It took people a while to get used to everything else about him, and by that point his volume and manner weren't so odd anymore.]

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tw: internalized ableism

cw: internalized ableism

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